(I'm ok promise, I'm just pissed and slightly depressed)
Why is it the ones closest hurt the most? Why does the confusion multiply in incessant amounts the instant things darken? Don't they understand?
when your best friend suddenly dissapears and accuses you of things you didn't know you did or hurt them that much what are you supposed to do?
How ironically fitting that I'm writing an article about Stopping By the Woods by Robert Frost.
Should it hurt more? I "picked at it(his heart), piece by piece, shred by shred, stealing my dignity and hopes. You crushed me when I was at my lowest..." Should I honor my self pity? He didn't listen to me, he says he did but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. ...'the ghosts are gaining on me'...
All I wanted to do was fix what was broken but instead I destroyed it. The theme of my life. I don't EVER want to hurt anyone but I always seem to. His near suicide was what brought us together and now he thinks that I think he will again? in my honor or something? He and I both know he wont. Its his give me attention cry, my accidental rescue made him "fall in love with me". M was right, thats NOT the basis for a relationship... I don't know why I thought I'd fallen in love. He wanted to keep me caged, to protect me. He didn't want to ever see me hurt, but by caging me I unknowingly rebelled, and thus hurt him... I am so confused with how I feel... I don't want to be mad at him, yet thats my first reaction.
Evanescense is helping...i want to talk to him though... I want to understand the "lies". Does he realize I'm hurting too? His "angel" just got her wings brutally destroyed... We've made it through arguments before but I'm just scared about how intense this one was...
I just wish we could have talked everything out...but with us I don't think thats possible...